Seymore Von Tickle: Mr. Shortcut

Hi ya! Before we get into todays wacky story I wrote, I am getting sort of worried about tomorrows wedding I am supposed to sing at. Although I am better than I was Wednesday and still have this day, I am not 100%. Say a prayer, will ya? Thanks.

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As I said, I wrote this during my Jury Duty. Hope ya like it.

Seymore Von Tickle: Mr. Shortcut

It was just about time for Judge Harry Hooblehoot to announce the fate of Seymore Von Tickle. All of a sudden, the courtroom shook vigorously for what seemed a very long time. While everyone else jumped up and ran for cover to get under tables in the courtroom, Seymore Von Tickle saw his chance for escape. He knew the outcome of his trial was not going to be a good one.

He ran out the door, down the hall, down the stairs to the first floor and out the front door to the street. He looked left. He looked right. He then ran straight ahead out into the street and got hit by a Bi-State Bus. He flipped up in the air across the street into the path of an oncoming Anheuser-Busch Beer Truck. He was sprawled unconscience onto the street. A crowd gathered.

"Someone call an ambulance!" someone shouted.

Several days later, he woke up in the hospital. There was several doctors and nurses consulting and he was on all kinds of machines to keep him alive.

He heard the voices and opened his eyes. Everyone in the room cheered. He asked, "Where am I?"

A doctor replied, "You're in a hospital. You were hit by a bus and a Budweiser beer truck. Do you know who you are?"

"No I don't! But who cares?" Seymore exclaimed. "I'm gonna be a bazillianaire! I'll sue the bus company and the beer company too!! WOO HOO!"

Because he could not remember his name, he went by the name of John Doe.

As weeks and then months passed and his lawsuit to sue was coming up soon, Seymore saw nothing but dollar signs. He bought tons of things on credit. He even took a vacation in Cleveland, Ohio!

It was the day of the trial. He dressed in a $3000.00 Armani Suit and drove to the courthouse in a $50,000.00 Mercedes Benz. Both of which he bought on credit. He told everyone he was gonna be a bazillianaire.

He sat motionless in the courtroom waiting for the Judge. But the whole time he sat there, he sat with a crafty grin staring at the Defendants.

Seymore didn't know it because he supposedly had no memory. But here he was in the same courthouse, the same courtroom in front of the same judge he was at before the accident.

However, things really weren't as they seemed. Seymore thought he was sly enough to pull the wool over everyones eyes and get away with his bamboozle and rake in a bunch of dough! He knew exactly what he was doing and where he was at. Because he was so good at it, he just played dumb and as always, played the victim.

"ALL RISE!" the courtroom baliff anounced. "Your honor, this is the case of John Doe. A name the Plantiff is using because he has not been able to recollect his name after an accident involving Bi-State Bus Company Bus and Anheuser-Busch Beer Truck who are the defendants. This is case #33456 on the docket your Honor. Please be seated. Judge Harry Hooblehoot presiding. You may be seated."

"Seymore Von Tickle!" the judge, looking over his bifocal glasses and down at Seymore said. "I see you are back in my courtroom suing Bi-State Bus Company and the Anheuser-Busch Beer Company for $100 Million Dollars under the name of John Doe."

"Yes your Honor." Seymore replied. "Why did you call me Seymore? You know me? After I was hit by the bus and beer truck, I lost my memory. I have what you call amnesia."

"WELL!" the judge snapped back. "I CAN tell you who you are. You are Seymore Von Tickle and last time you were in my courtroom, I was about to pass sentence on you when we were hit by a 6.0 earthquake. You ran out of the courthouse and crossed into the middle of the street. That's when and how you got hit!"

Looking quite befuddled and bewildered, Seymore said, "You're Honor, I don't remember. I have no idea what you are talking about! Remember, I was hit...."

The Judge interupted, "I KNOW WHY YOU ARE HERE AND WHAT YOU ARE TRYING TO DO!! Now, the last time you were here, it was for jaywalking. You never cross at the corner. It's always in the middle of the block which is very dangerous. You had 453 unpaid jaywalking tickets. And I was going to sentence you to 1 year in jail and a $1000.00 fine. Now, I am throwing THIS case out in favor of the Defendants and am increasing your sentence to 2 years in jail and giving you a $2000.00 fine!"

"But your Honor, I throw myself on the mercy of the court. I always had a reason to Jaywalk!" Seymore pleaded.

"And what was that?" the Judge Harry asked.

"To get to the other side!" Seymore answered.

"Make that 3 years and a $3000 fine. Now get Mr. Shortcut out of my courtroom!" the Judge demanded.

As the sheriffs were escorting Seymore out of the courtroom, he shouted out at the Judge, "I THOUGHT YOU SAID MY NAME WAS SEYMORE VON TICKLE!! WHO IS MR. SHORTCUT?!!"

Moral: You know what it is. Don't you?

The End.

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Our Friends

We're down to David Archeletta and David Cook. Hopefully, by Monday, I will have my new totals up on the Idol page.

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See ya Monday with more Rescue-Pup too!